1. Choosing the obvious ones to avoid: addicts, child abusers, chronic gamblers, felons, “boys”, etc. If you always fall in love with the wrong type of men, you should get help. Please seek it. You need to fall in love with the right person
2. Going by sexual attraction alone. That’s a choice your reptilian brain is making which is to say not a choice at all. “Choosing” means weighing alternatives and being rational. Never in life do you want your reptilian brain in charge. It doesn’t “think.”
3. Choosing based on external qualities alone. It’s nice if he’s a hot hunk, but not if he's just another pretty face. Are you choosing a 37' powerboat instead of a man who owns one? His face will change. His toys may disappear. It's "for better or for worse," not "for as long as he can buy me Gucci handbags.” Seek TRUE love!
4. Rushing. Date him long enough to go through actual situations that test what you can't see and touch -- his values, priorities, manners, morals, and interests.
At first you’ll go to hockey games, WWF matches and beer drinking just to be with him, right? Do you really see yourself doing these things every weekend for the rest of your life?
On the same point, is he being nice to your kids just to get to you? Is he willing to go shopping with you and to the museums? Only time will tell.
5. Rushing. Give it time so he can sort out his feelings. Men tend to go from desire to action without thinking .This is why we see them make such poor choices in women, and then do the same thing again. You may be sure, but is he? Follow your heart AND your brain.
6. Rushing. You need time because even a workaholic will give you attention 24/7 at first. Only 6 months down the line will you discover that once he’s “got you,” and knows you love him, so he neglects you. Work comes first, then his golf. He’ll call you when it’s your turn.
7. Not checking out his attitude toward women.
How does he treat his mother? Your friends? His sister?
8. Trusting only your intellect. This means gathering facts, reading experts, not checking in with your intuition, and listening to advice blindly without looking into your heart as well.
Let’s say your best friend, who’s very perceptive, tells you he’s a womanizer. I’d give that some weight, but I’d check it out myself. It won't be hard. Give it time, stay awake and you’ll see.
Another example – You made the list of what you wanted. There he is in front of you, lacking 3 of the 6 items on your list, but you adore him. You really click. That’s a good time to go back and rethink your list. You’re always entitled to change your mind.
9. Trusting only your feelings. Come now, do you really think you can make a life with someone who is (admittedly) darling and sexy BUT hates your religion, has different morals and ethics than you do, has already alienated your father, wants kids while you don’t, refuses to “let” you work, and has already ordered you to get rid of your cat? This is like allowing yourself to fall in love with a married man. Just go stick an ice pick in your eyeball instead.
10. Misunderstanding the nature of feelings. Our emotions give us information. They don’t demand behavior. When I was a teenager I was dating a creep. My father told me I had to quit seeing him. “But I love him,” I said. Said he: “Love someone else.” No, you can’t manufacture feelings, but neither do they have to be acted upon. They can be taken “under advisement” and thought through.
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